Sluttin’ It Up at Slutty Vegan
Since 2018, Slutty Vegan’s founder, Pinky Cole, has been slinging the sluttiest, most decadent vegan burgers all over Georgia. Last September, the provocative plant-based chain finally launched up here in NYC - choosing Flatbush to open up their first shop north of the Mason-Dixon.
Most of my everyday diet tends to be veggie heavy. I have a history of diabetes and high blood pressure in my family, so even though I love meat, I do try to strike a balance when I can. SV’s reputation precedes them as some of the best vegan fast food around, so you know I had to get down there to try it out!
After an exquisite massage at nearby Cynergy Spa, my stomach was aching for dinner. Luckily for me, Slutty Vegan was only a five minute walk away! When you walk in, don’t be alarmed - you will get a very friendly shout out by the staff.
Greeter: Slutty Gang!!!
Back of House: YERRRR!
Cashier: We got a slut in the building!!!!
Everyone: WE GOT A SLUT IN DA BUILDINGGGGGG!!!
I thought it was hilarious, but I could see where it could overwhelm someone. They have a greeter posted up near the door to answer any questions about the menu and to let you know if they have any specials for the day. Even though I’d prepped myself by peeping at their website the night before, the delicious smell of crispy potatoes and spice was distracting as hell. My mind was so relaxed from my massage that I could barely think straight.
I gathered myself and ordered the One Night Stand (plant-based patty, vegan cheese, vegan bacon, caramelized onions, lettuce, tomato, “Slut Sauce”, vegan Hawaiian bun) and the Dancehall Queen (plant-based patty, sweet jerk plantains, vegan cheese, caramelized onions, lettuce, tomato, Slut Sauce, vegan Hawaiian bun). Both came with a side of their Slutty Fries (spiced with “Slut Dust”), and since their house drinks have agave, I grabbed a can of Stubborn Brand Black Cherry Tarragon Soda. Agave doesn’t agree with me, so I stay away from the stuff.
I treated myself to a cab ride home, making it back to Jackson Heights in a cool forty minutes, despite the start of the Friday evening rush hour. I had J put the oven on before I got there so I could flash the food a little before we ate - it was still fairly warm, so I didn’t have to do it for too long.
I absolutely loved the Dancehall Queen! The smoky burger paired perfectly with the spicy, creamy plantains. I did wish there was more of a crust on the burger, but I did travel with it - gotta keep that in consideration. J loved his burger too - I would imagine that it takes a lot of practice to nail a classic bacon cheeseburger, and SV gets it. The caramelized onions and the vegan bacon meld together to give you that craveable umami flavor. I wished I’d gotten an extra order of the fries - the “Slut Dust” seasoning reminded me of cajun seasoning - perfect amount of salt and crispy without being greasy. Washed down with that perfectly sweetened Black Cherry Soda - whew! Such a good meal.
I almost forgot! I picked up a cup of the Seamoss Banana Pudding for dessert (sea moss, or Irish moss, is an algae used as a vegan thickener and stabilizer). I enjoyed the actual pudding, studded with chunks of fresh banana, but the cookies… I adore the more traditional vanilla wafers in my pudding - the spiced cookies layered in the treat weren’t doing it for me.
Even though I’m not vegan, I’m VERY lactose intolerant, so to be able to wolf down a burger and fries without pain and frantically popping a Lactaid every thirty minutes is a gift. I’ll always stan sustainably raised meats, but if taking a break from beef every once and a while means I get to have a Slutty Vegan burger - I’ll take it.